Anger

I am angry. When I rise out of despair, I am angry. When I become aware enough of myself and the people I place trust in I become angry. Underneath anger is paralyzed fear and above it is a deep resentment. I don’t think I over rise above these levels but if I do it’s temporary. Despair then fear then resentment. My anger is also at myself for doing what I do. I’m inconsistent, fearful, hesitant and then often I am just wrong or not good enough. 

People overlook me or dismiss me because I’m not important or valuable enough to take seriously and I’m angry that I can’t seem to find a way of being valuable. What I think is me doesn’t seem valuable enough to respect or hold to. I always feel Like my value is associated to who I am associated to. I don’t create value in and of myself. There is no core value to me. I once said that I was potential and it seems like I am just that, the potential and never the realization.

Perhaps my goal should be to consistently realize a potential. If I can do that, maybe I can create value. I must do this by myself though, because I think I’ve been trying to rely on others to realize what I dream of and it had to be me. I need to create in myself the skills to realize my potential. To do that I need know what skills are needed, I need to create a plan when I have just been creating ideas. I have an automatic response to this, which is to think of people who can do this and try include them and I have to stop doing that. It is me that has to do it. Not anyone else. 

No one is going to build my life for me, because they are all building their own lives.

I always do unto others as I wish they would do to me. But nobody does that. I have been expecting the wrong reaction from people. People do not respond in kind. I always give my all in the expectation that people will recognize that and they will do the same for me but that’s not how people work and not how the golden rule works. 

The Golden rule is actually “don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you” and it exists to be a mandate on how YOU should act, not on how you can expect others to act. I have been setting myself up for disappointment by expecting people to live up to the potential I see in them or the potential in a situation. 

But people don’t act on potential, they act on what is in front of them. People are not sheep, they’re cows. They have to be driven to do anything, else they will simply stand where they are and eat what is in front of them. Do not create opportunities for others, because you can only hope they will take them. If there is an opportunity for a space to be filled, fill it yourself. 

People are not motivated by opportunities, and that is why they don’t follow through on them. They’re motivated by jobs. Give people jobs, not opportunities. Tell them what to do, don’t create the space for them to fill. Instruct, don’t teach.

Consistently realize your own potential.

Consistency turns potential into reality.

You need a plan, not an idea.

Others need to be driven, not enticed.